In Our Darkest Of times
by ohmyreign
Summary: We all have our times when we are not ourselves. In those times we need to rely on the ones we love, but what if the ones we love, aren't there to love us anymore? Featuring one dark Finn Hudson and Rachel Berry's loving but broken heart.
1. Chapter 1

(Prologue)

I tried not to think about her. I really tired. I spent hours a night trying to stop. I just couldn't seem to control all of the thoughts about her that rushed to the surface. That's what made me start using. Using anything and everything that I could get my hands on, to erase the memory of her. Of course it worked, but only for a few hours. I needed help, and I needed help fast.

A couple of weeks ago I checked myself into a health clinic hospital. I didn't know if it would work but it ended up working a little bit. I had my own therapy and psychologist on hand 24'7. They tried everything to get her out of my mind. They tried talking about it and giving me brain exercises. But, nothing seemed to help. Then finally one day my psychologist put her pen down and said, "You're going to go see her, first thing tomorrow morning." So, that's why I'm here. Standing two feet away from her apartment door, feeling as scared as ever. My hands trembled a little bit; I had a pack of cigarettes in my pocket. I knew she would yell at me for having them but I didn't care. All I cared about was seeing her. Seeing her face, hearing her speak, and the velvet voice that haunted my dreams. She was my entire world and I was going to win her back.


	2. Wrecking Ball

My hands violently shook as I reached for the door to knock. I wouldn't be right for me to just barge in there. Sighing quietly I closed my eyes as I took a deep breath and pulled my hand back. My eyes flickered open as I heard the dead bolt beginning to unlock. My throat felt tight and the room looked like it was spinning, could it be the drugs? Who knew at this point, after a few seconds of waiting which felt like years the door priories open? Rachel Berry with dark hair and bangs but with a completely different wardrobe came out. Her facial expression had a hint of confusion.

"Hi." I say awkwardly. I'm so stupid. Hi? What kind of greeting was that? Not a very good one. She doesn't know what to say. I can tell by the expression on her face. It's obvious. She's always so obvious. I can read her like an open book. That was one of the many things I loved about her. I didn't have to try very hard to figure her motives out.

"Hi? I haven't seen you for six months and all you have to say is, hi?" Rachel asked, as she cocked up a curious brow. I knew she was frustrated. Her anger was boiling through her veins. She wasn't trying to hide it like she normally did. She was beyond furious. I give her a sly smile and shrug my shoulders. Then my smile fades when I realize I have to tell her and explain to her where I've been and why. I sigh silently as I purse my lips together, trying to figure out how this would all come out and into play.

"I was in rehab for those six months." I say, I clench my fists at the word. I say the words so softly I'm surprised she even heard them at all.

She blinked a couple of times. "You were where?" She stuttered over her own words. I wanted to chuckle but instead I held the urge back. This time I sighed out loud, and heavily so.

"I was in rehab. Puck found me lying on the floor unconscious of an overdose. He didn't take me. I took myself. I knew that where I was going wasn't where I wanted to venture too." I said, looking at her made me want to go crawl into a hole and never come out. I knew she was disappointed at me. I just knew it. What else would she be feeling? Happiness? A kind of relief? Of course not.

"Finn, I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say." Rachel said, as she closed the door behind her and began to walk over towards me with open arms. I was not expecting such a kind gesture. As she wrapped her arms around me I returned the hug. I felt her hand rest on my back pocket and she grabbed the box of cigarettes. Immediately she pulled back. Looking angrier then ever she threw the pack against the window, making all of them fall out at once. I winced a little bit as I realized how much force she had within her body.

"What the hell?!" Rachel yelled, I expected this but then again I didn't expect this. I didn't think she would be this mad at me but she was. I knew then I was in deep trouble.


	3. Snow White's Castle

I clenched my fists in and out as I was thinking of the right thing to say. I didn't want to sound like an idiot. I would say I'm sorry but I knew that wouldn't be enough, so instead I took a deep breath then I began to say, "I came here for you to help me and my specialist told me that I needed to come find you so that's why I'm here." I tousled my fingers through my hair.

"Rachel? Who's out there? Are you okay?" Another male voice echoed the room as he approached the doorway I gritted my teeth as I felt like the whole world was shattering against me. Crashing into the waves I went.

"Brody, everything is alright. There's no need to worry." Rachel said, in her calm mothering type voice. It had looked like Brody had just woken up from a deep slumber. His eyes were groggy as he rubbed them with his fists gently. Every bone in my body had caved and I felt like jelly. 

"What is he doing here? I thought that I told you to get out of her life? Aren't you done playing tricks with her head? Don't you get that I'm her soul mate? Her forever?" I asked, as I cocked up a curious brow. I was beyond furious. I think Rachel could tell because I saw a glint of guilt in her eyes. Brody was beginning to wake up as he realized that he was being verbally abused. He should be verbally abused, considering how he lied and manipulated Rachel about our relationship when he was sleeping around with other woman and getting paid for it!

"Look, please calm down. I'm not looking to start a fight with you. I'm here to make amends." Brody said, as he held out his hand but I shook it off. I didn't even want to look at him. He was such a disgrace. Not just to me but to the whole female population. I glared at him. That's when I couldn't stop myself instead of taking his hand I lunge at him with all of my strength and begin to pound on him. My punches flying in the air dramatically as I could feel my adrenalin pumping. I heard Rachel scream but I ignored her. All I cared about was making him feel the pain that he caused Rachel.

"What in the world is going on?" What? Was that Santana's voice? I looked up to see her smirking like the Devil she was. "Hold up, hold up!" Santana yelled viciously as she was pulling at my body to get off of Brody. "Let's not hurt the retired jigilo!" I was so confused and out of norm with the statement she made, I gave up and stumbled backwards.

"You're not worth it! You aren't! You disgusting ass of a pig!" I yelled, I was so done with this. I needed to get out. Out of this apartment and in the crisp air. I grabbed my pack of cigarettes and began to make my way out of the apartment. "I don't need any of you!" I screamed, I know this sounded childish like I was throwing a tantrum but I couldn't stand seeing Brody even in the same room as Rachel. I was Rachel's not hers. Didn't he know that? Didn't he realize? Or was he just going to let me suffer? That wasn't the first time I picked a fight with him and that sure as hell wouldn't be the last. I walked down the spiral staircase of the small complex apartment as I finally made my way out. My stomach grumbled as if it were hunting for food. To bad I didn't have any cash on me. Sighing quietly to myself, I began to walk. Anywhere to take my mind off of what just happened; Rachel will never take me back after what I had just done. I grabbed my lighter out of my back pocket as I lit it up the smoke began to drift out of my lungs. I began to feel a lot calmer then I did. I needed to take my mind off of things, but how? So, I began to sing a soundless song to the beat of the New York City streets.

White lips, pale face  
Breathing in snowflakes  
Burnt lungs, sour taste  
Light's gone, day's end  
Struggling to pay rent  
Long nights, strange men

And they say  
She's in the Class A Team  
Stuck in her daydream  
Been this way since eighteen  
But lately her face seems  
Slowly sinking, wasting  
Crumbling like pastries  
And they scream  
The worst things in life come free to us  
Cause we're just under the upper hand  
And go mad for a couple grams  
And she don't want to go outside tonight  
And in a pipe she flies to the Motherland  
Or sells love to another man  
It's too cold outside  
For angels to fly  
Angels to fly

Ripped gloves, raincoat  
Tried to swim and stay afloat  
Dry house, wet clothes  
Loose change, bank notes  
Weary-eyed, dry throat  
Call girl, no phone

And they say  
She's in the Class A Team  
Stuck in her daydream  
Been this way since eighteen  
But lately her face seems  
Slowly sinking, wasting  
Crumbling like pastries  
And they scream  
The worst things in life come free to us  
Cause we're just under the upper hand  
And go mad for a couple grams  
And she don't want to go outside tonight  
And in a pipe she flies to the Motherland  
Or sells love to another man  
It's too cold outside  
For angels to fly  
An angel will die  
Covered in white  
Closed eye  
And hoping for a better life  
This time, we'll fade out tonight  
Straight down the line

And they say  
She's in the Class A Team  
Stuck in her daydream  
Been this way since eighteen  
But lately her face seems  
Slowly sinking, wasting  
Crumbling like pastries  
They scream  
The worst things in life come free to us  
And we're all under the upper hand  
Go mad for a couple grams  
And we don't want to go outside tonight  
And in a pipe we fly to the Motherland  
Or sell love to another man  
It's too cold outside  
For angels to fly  
Angels to fly  
To fly, fly  
For angels to fly, to fly, to fly  
Or angels to die

After, venturing a few miles down the way I began to walk in a shady part of town. One I wasn't familiar with. "Hey, man. You wanna needle?" I looked up at the man who had a scruffy beard. He was selling heron. I gulped as I was forgetting all the progress that my Dr. had done. "Sorry, don't have any cash." I shrugged my shoulders. He gave me a sly smile.

"That's okay. We take cards." The stranger said.

I nodded my head, "Sure yeah. Would love one." I then knew I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life.


	4. Cough Syrup

I gave him my card as he took it and guided me through the alley way. As we walked a little bit further he stopped at a store as he entered I followed him. "I'm Buddy, by the way." The man said, I nodded as I wasn't here to make any friends.

"The names Finn." I solemnly say, as he stopped at the desk and grabbed the credit card machine.

"Nice to meet you, so how long have you been using?" Buddy asked, as he cocked up a curious brow. I grabbed my card out of my other back pocket as I handed it to him to swipe the worn out thing.

"Almost for a year, how about you?" I ask, as I reach my own curiosity. I didn't know why but something felt safe about Buddy. Almost like a father figure. Even if he did do drugs, something about him made me feel like I could speak my mind out loud and that I wouldn't get in trouble for it.

"8 years and haven't tried to quit sense. Say, do you have any place to live kid?" Buddy asked, as he took my card from my hand and swiped it into the machine. I shook my head no. I didn't even think about the whole finding a place to live situation. I was just going to check myself into a hotel and call it a day. "Would you want to stay with me? My old partner flaked and I need a roommate. You don't have to deal or anything. Just pay for the rent and if you pay I'll give you free drugs." Buddy said, his offer sounded really tempting. Okay, maybe extremely tempting. I swallowed hard as I ran my fingers through my hair. Was I really going to go down this hill again? All because Rachel went back to dumb ass Brody? Or was I going to follow my intuition that I was about to step onto a dangerous forsaken path?

"Sure, yeah. I'd love that man. Thanks. Ill go deposit some cash this afternoon and pay you for this months rent." I say as I give him a real wide smile to show him my sense of gratitude. He nods and smiles too. That's when I know that I have met a real friend. One who won't try and BS.

Rachel's POV.

I paced in the room back and forth about a dozen of times. I knew that Kurt was watching me intently and that Brody had gone to his psychology class for the day. I ran my fingers through my brown thick hair as I felt my hand shake a little bit. Why did he have to come back? Why couldn't he have just let me be? I was getting so sick of the coming and the going. I wanted it all to end. But, did I really? Or did I want to keep going through this cycle and feel something again. I was beyond confused. Finn was in rehab for six months while I was in happy paradise with Brody. How could I be so stupid? Knowing that Finn would just let me go like that without so much as a phone call. I always felt like something was wrong but I ignored that feeling when I shouldn't have and when I should have followed my gut. All I knew was that Finn was out there. Somewhere in the New York streets doing god knows what. Should I go look for him? Or should I just stay here? So many decisions and very few answers. I turn to Kurt who is staring at his toes.

"Do you think I should go look for him? Honestly?" I ask, as I feel that guilty feeling in my stomach again. Like it's punching me over and over again like Finn did to Brody.

"I think you should trust your heart. Whatever you do I know I'm going to go look for him." Kurt said, as he grabbed his designer jacket and began to get up. Soon making his way to the door, I quickly followed him. "Kurt wait. I'm coming with you." I say, as I grab my own coat and walk with him outside. Without leaving so much as a note to where I've gone.


	5. Great Escape

** Finn's POV **

"All of our needles are sanitary, so you won't have to worry about getting any diseases or something or another like that." Buddy said, as his Adams apple bobbed up and down making my stomach churn a little bit. He handed me my card back as I offered him a faint smile in return not really knowing what to say to his commentary. As I waited for the needle I looked around the room. All the walls were bear and nothing was hanging on them? Guess he wasn't that creative. I knew that I wasn't making the best decision but it was like my brain kept saying no, no, and no but my body said go, go go. It was all very confusing and unsatisfying. My head was pounding with confusion and I just wanted to inject myself to forget all of my problems that I was currently having. I knew no one would be looking for me. So, what was the point in trying? "I'll be right back." Buddy said, as he whirled around and began to walk to the back room. As I was waiting patiently as I could I go look around at things. Nothing seemed out of ordinary or out of place. I felt kind of like I was at home. After waiting around a little bit I heard my phone start buzzing, grabbing it out of my pocket the number was Rachel's. I rolled my eyes as I ignored the call. I didn't want to talk to her; I didn't want to talk to anyone. That's when I got a call from Kurt. My brother. Swallowing hard I decided to answer this call, only because I was bored and didn't have anything else to do. Getting myself together I hit the answer button and propped the phone to my earlobe.

"Hey, Kurt. How's it goin?" I asked, as if I were talking to him face to face.

"Where are you? Please come back to the apartment. I don't want you doing anything stupid or something that you'll regret. I know where you were for those 6 months. You weren't enlisted in the army you got deported and started using. Now, please come home. I want my brother back." Kurt said, I could hear the pain in his voice and I couldn't help but want to go in a corner and cry. After that I quickly hit the end button as I didn't want to listen to him anymore. I didn't want to disappoint him anymore. I was done being a disappointing person all I ever did was disappoint. Why was I such a failure at life? I was turning into my father. The image I never wanted to be, but I knew that I was in to deep and way to over my head.

**Kurt's POV **

My own brother hung up on me? How could I be so stupid? To not call him or text him to see how he was doing. All this time he's been in rehab while I've been living my New York dream. I needed to find him. He was my brother my only brother. The one person who could protect me no matter what and now it was my time to protect him. "Rachel, we are going to find him. If it's the last thing we do." I said, as I felt the tears threatening to spill from my eyes. Rachel looked at me wide eyed as she knew the feeling I was having. Desperate.

"Wait, I have an idea. Give me your phone." Rachel said, as she offered her hand for me to place my phone in.

"What are you-?" I asked, as I cocked up a curious brow but she stopped me midsentence. Classic Miss. Rachel Berry.

"I can download a tracking device app and trace where the phone call came from. Thank you for hours of criminal justice class." Rachel said, to herself and not really much to me.

"How did you get so smart?" I asked, as I laughed with tears blurring my eyes. I had hope, I had actual hope that we could possibly find him.

**Authors Note- Hey, everyone. I just wanted to say thank you for keeping up with this story. I have high hopes for the future. Lots more plot lines and drama are about to come in this Finchel love story. I've been shipping Finchel since season one and I still ship it even if it no longer exists. But, that doesn't mean it won't still be in our hearts. Reviews are always good, don't be shy in giving them! I love positive or negative feed back! **

**Read On!**

**Yours Truly **

**Devin**


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